My attempt at a Robin Williams Tribute

"The truth is, if anything, I am probably addicted to laughter" 

There have been so many different comments coming out about Robin Williams and the tragedy of his passing. He was a pure genius and I was so blessed to grow up with his classics making me laugh and cry. He talked about big topics... divorce, children, death, being trapped, being let down, all of it but with a curve ball. He added laughter. On screen Robin Williams and now his passing have taught me... You do not have to laugh all the time but you do have to laugh. Even in the worst of times. 
One of my friends recently moved away and to cheer each other up we started trading jokes daily or weekly just whenever one of us needed one or felt the need to share one. They are corny ridiculous jokes but it's catching on because after we share our jokes I share them with other people. It has been a hard week for various reasons (none of which will matter probably in a week or even a day but I am an emotional girl and I am still going to cry about them LOL) My co-worker immediately sent me a joke first thing this morning. Then I got another one from another co-worker. Then we started sharing them with patients and people were laughing. It put things back into perspective. I am still sad but it gave me a second to un-boggle my brain and realize there is so much good in my life to smile about. That's what Robin Williams taught me, you don't have to be happy all the time but a good laugh always puts things in a better perspective. So, in honor of Robin (sorry Robin these jokes are awful, corny and no where near the clever genius you are but they do make me smile)...

What does a fish say 

when he swims into a wall?

DAM

What has 75 balls 
and screws old ladies?
BINGO

How does a crazy person 

travel through the woods?

Pyschopath

What did the football 
coach say to the 
broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback

Why can't the bike 

stand on it's own?

It's two tired

What room has 

no walls?

The mushroom

What's smarter 
than a talking bird?
A spelling bee

What do you call the 

space between Pamela 

Anderson's breasts?

Silicone Valley

What did the man who 

invented the door knocker 

get awarded?

the NoBell prize

What did the motorcycle 
say when you told it a joke?
YamaHAHAHA

Hope everyone enjoyed my bad but best attempt to highlight the role Robin Williams and laughter have in my life. Don't forget to smile, you never know who needs it and it's the cheapest gift you can give. 

P.S: I have been writing a lot of blogs about being happy lately, any new ideas for blog topics always welcome clearly I am trying to convince the world and myself "Don't worry, be happy" :)

"This love will make you levitate"

Check out this new video that is trending nation wide. 
Lesson 1: Motherhood is going to be AWESOME... I got this we can rock out to Katy Perry, Spice Girls, Brittany Spears, Justin Timberlake, all the greats and our nights will be peaceful!!! 
All you mothers out there are probably cracking up right now but let me live in bliss. LOL

Lesson 2: It's Not Hard To Be Happy
I see this everyday. People literally ask me on a daily basis, "Are you always this happy?" I respond, "Pretty much." We all decide our fates. Happiness is the one thing in this world, you can truly control. Life is hard and it is unfair. You can spend your days scrolling Facebook wondering why me? why do I not have what she has" (It's called coveting even if its not another man's wife; its nasty envy). Or you can DANCE to Katy Perry. SMILE at people and say hello even if they don't say it back. You can LOVE people even when they break your heart or hurt your feelings. You can also WALK AWAY from stuff. I will be honest. Baby showers are one of my triggers. I love all my friends that are having babies truly but for some reason the showers get to me. I love buying gifts and taking them but I cannot sit there. So, I don't. I think my friends know I love them but I am choosing to be happy. I am choosing not to go home and cry about it. So, I go and show my love. I stay in contact in other ways. It's your choice, just be happy every day. If there are things in your job that are stressful on lunch go to the fish pond and eat. Sing out loud randomly at work even when everyone laughs at you. Raise your arms above your head and yell I am awesome. I promise this all works we do it daily at ISUPTSR. Find your thing but stop crying, stop frowning, and 

"LET'S RAGE" 

Dear Jason

Babe (I never thought I would pick up a pet name for you but its working for me so I am keeping it for now)

A little over 5 years ago I said yes to your proposal but I did not understand the impact that simple answer would have on my life until I was walking down the aisle and could see your love for me so easily displayed. It was in that moment that my life fell into place. To be loved so deeply by someone is the ultimate gift and God had truly blessed me with you. I remember trying to decide on the readings at our wedding.  I have always like 1 Corinthians but felt it was overused but reading it now I realize that this is one of the most honest descriptions of love available. It describes the love of our marriage, a feeling I never imagined because it is too deep for the word love to even describe. 

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails.  

Just reading it reminds me that alone I am truly nothing but together with our love, we are everything. We have walked together now truly sharing our lives and love for 4 years. You have seen me at my absolute worst (and I do not mean my Medusa hair in the morning) and you held me up and continued to love me. You are the strongest man I know. You have true faith and because of your love and guidance I am able to be the woman that I am today. 

Reading the above passage also reminds me of our love for our family. You are the kind of father that I cannot wait for children to know and love because you will be able to show them a love that is powerful, formed in the light of God's love, and all encompassing. When the world is bitter and cold, you have been my warmth. When I have been so far away, you were the only one with the valor to come and save me. When I have been more or less as a wife than you imagined (or I expected) you have loved me anyway. 

I pray every night but not for what people would think. I pray for continued peace in my life and I pray that everyone including you can feel the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians. The kind that subtly sweeps you off your feet and carries you through an amazing life together. Thank you for being the best parts of me and loving the worst. Happy 4 Year Anniversary and Happy 9 Years Together!  Here's to more journeys, heart aches, laughs, memories, and steadfast love. 

 2014

2013

2012

2011

2010

2009

2008

2007 

(not a photogenic year for this couple LOL)

 2006

2005

(this is the first picture we ever took together)

Always Remember...

LIFE GOES ON

Life is exciting, surprising, hard, beautiful but is also a continuous pathway. Life continues through the best of times and the worst of times. 

Best Friends Become Wives

New Friends Create New Memories

Families Expand

Races Are Run

Puppies Learn to Behave (Well Sometimes)

Old Friends Continue To Make You Smile

And We Still Wait For Our Little One.

That is the beauty and the plight of life. Our moments have been filled with joy, work, and new memories. God is good all the time and he continues to bless us with so much. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. I hope/ pray that we are chosen to be parents soon!!! But until then I cannot help but smile at all our new memories! It is an odd crossroads, an odd mix of emotions but it is ours and it is our path to a family. 

Learning How To Believe Through A Failed Adoption

It has taken me a while to be ready to write this blog post. I have started it many times and written down many things for me to include over the last few months but I think I am ready now to share our story (or at least parts of it). 

We received the call on a Saturday morning, Jason had just left for work and I had to call him back home so we could leave for the hospital. We finished throwing stuff in the suitcase and jumped into the truck which I might add had been loaded full of baby stuff for about 2 weeks now. We drove towards the hospital which was 3 hours away. When we got about 5 minutes away, we received a phone call. Our agency was calling to tell us that birth mom has changed her mind and decided to parent. It is the most surreal experience of my life. I remember saying ok, ok, ok. I did not cry or yell. We went and checked into a hotel that my parents helped us locate. We sat around and waited. I think honestly I was in true shock. We never expected this. You may say its always a risk but we were told throughout the entire process that this was a lock and that it was the most sure they had been about an adoption proceeding. I convinced Jason that we needed to go out for dinner get out of the hotel. So, we did leave for a couple hours other than that we spent about 26 hours in a hotel waiting (talk about major back pain). Through other forms of communication, we learned it was time to go home so we left. This was the first time that it hit me. I am not going to hash out the details but when the shock and denial wears off all you have is acceptance and extreme sadness. It was not a good week. I praise God everyday for my husband. Without him making me smile and shower ( I really smelled!) I think I would still be in bed right now. He is truly amazing. I also thank God for the little angel that left Taco Bell, groceries, and other various necessities on our porch knocked and left. The way people respected our silence on this matter was amazing and much appreciated. I know it was a shock for everyone else that had bought into our family's story just as much as it was a shock to us. 

That is most of the details. It has been very hard. It honestly gets harder for me everyday. I still believe that Jason and I are a strong family but these last few years have been harder than I ever imagined. We have received one more call regarding a baby girl but when the birth mother made her final decision she wanted to select a family that would have an older sibling. We are back on the list now and waiting for good news. 

Here is what I know on my good days (please please if you are reading this and have went through or are going through a hard situation know that I definitely do not feel like this all the time. I have very hard days and tough thoughts but I do not want anyone's pity so I do not believe this is the forum to share those)
1. The money we lost paid for a single mother to have a house and reunite with her family. This allowed her the ability to raise her son. I hope and pray that he grows up to do something amazing in this world. If she would have knocked on my door, told me her story, and I could see I would change her life for the better. I would have written the checks all the same. It is just money. You will make more, you can only change people's lives once.
2. The nursery we decorated is for our child. He or she has not been born yet. The nursery is lonely and sad right now but I know our child is coming
3. The name we selected is for our son. Again our son is not born yet so we will maintain the name we have chosen.
4. God chooses a path for all of us. There are a lot of bumps along the way but God gives us all the tools we need for a smooth ride. He has blessed Jason and I with more love in our marriage, more communication, and with true friends and family. 

So, why today??? Here is the second part of this blog post. One year ago on Wednesday, Jason and I went to the doctor and found out that we would not be able to conceive naturally ever. There is a lot of news about self loathing your body but this was not just about being overweight or having cellulite and jiggly in places I wished I could remove. This was a self loathing so deep I wanted a new body. I felt my body was rejecting me, my life plans, even my marriage. You can only carry so much hate in your heart for so long before it destroys you, so I knew that I needed to make a goal. I decided to set something that I did not know if mentally or physically I could complete. I decided to do

a triathlon season. Today, I completed my first modified olympic race. The conditions were grueling (who has 37 degree weather in mid May?) but I did not quit I finished. My body is not rejecting me, it is lifting me up to great things. I have never wanted to quit more than when I was out in the open water swim, could not catch my breath, felt I was drowning, was having a panic attack. But I did not quit, I flipped over on my back I found a new way. That's the same as our story to have a family. I have panic attacks, I forget to breath sometimes, and drown myself in my sorrows but then together Jason and I find a new way. We will get our family, we will finish the race. Today marked a big achievement for me, I did not give up even when I was scared. 
My God grant me the strength to continue this endeavor called life with faith and not fear. 

Baby Shower Part 1: To have or not to have

Among other things that are debated among adoptive families, baby showers are also a topic of debate. To have one or not to have one. I take the same stance as I have with the nursery. If you personally want a baby shower or adoptive shower DO IT. This is your time to shine as an expecting mother. You can have anything you want, well within reason. With all that being said make sure you know and understand the situation you are in. Every adoption is different. If you are adopting an older child this might be a great time for them to meet and be welcomed into the family, if you have been chosen and are waiting this might be a time to decide to do a shower once baby arrives or before.

As a mother, I was so excited for my shower and luckily I had two amazing friends that openly asked and started planning. In the recent weeks of waiting for Baby Aiden and all of the harsh realities and nightmares that have entered in and out of my husband and I's mind. I also began to realize why people wait even after they have been chosen. This is the part that is different for adoption. Even after you have been chosen, you are planning your life for a family with a child. You have to be careful how set you get with a specific child. For example, with us right now we are planning name, clothes, etc. for Aiden. Aiden who's new due date is March 25 for all those concerned of why he has not arrived yet. (that is another story for another day). Even though it is great to plan, be very careful. You want to be able to use all of the things you have purchased, made, planned, etc even if this adoption does not go to completion.  God has other plans for you! I thought I would be all good and tough but as we have waited more I realized if this adoption did not go through I would have a hard time looking at all these items the same. No matter what you decide, clearly I decided shower which was wonderful, make sure you enjoy your time being showered with love for your family. It is truly wonderful how many people support adoption and want to know more and be more involved. That has been the most touching thing about this experience so far. Thank you again to all the friends and family that have continued to support us. I know so many of you are dying with questions about Baby Aiden and here is the update that I have so far. The due date was moved from March 3 to March 25 quite a while a go but we were not aware of this. Baby Aiden is not super over due but hopefully will be right on time. Everything is still as scheduled and birth mother and father are planning on us being at the hospital during delivery (if we make it in time)!

Everything is a go and we will hopefully be posting about Baby Aiden's arrival as the next blog post! 

Baby Shower: Part 2 WE HAD!!!!!

AND HERE ARE YOUR HOSTS: CHRISTINA AND DREW

What an amazing themed shower. Christina and Drew planed a love/ Valentine's themed shower for Baby Aiden. It turned out amazing. When I walked into the venue I was in awe. And the whole rest of the party left me speechless! It was such a privilege to be the guest of honor at such a beautiful themed shower! 

Table Decor

 

Decorating Table

Papaw Mark had to come make a onesie and make it manly!

This should read Mom because I have an amazing husband that will probably being doing more than most (once turnaround is over)

My favorite the dessert table!

We had a photo booth and now all of the quests pictures are going to hang in Baby W's room to welcome him home in just a few more days!

The day was amazing filled with gifts but more than that love. I got everything that I could have ever wanted or dreamed. There were so many one of a kind and hand made gifts. Which I love any item made with a little extra love. Thank you to all of my friends and family that have made this adoption journey a blessing. Thank you to Drew and Christina for all of your planning and expertise. It was a day I will remember forever!