"Just Say No" but is that the right choice for adoption?

D.A.R.E has been empowering children for years to say no to drugs. Rightfully so, I might add. So, much to my

surprise on our matching sheet there was multiple questions about birth parent drug use both mother and father, as well as drug exposure and drug addiction in infants. Jason and I immediately responded no to all drugs, to alcohol we marked stopped once she was aware of conception, and for tobacco we wrote uses on occasion. I went and met with our lawyer and she began to explain so many things that I was missing. Of course, Jason and I wanted to keep open every door possible but at the same time we want to make sure that we are able to provide an environment safe and appropriate for the infant coming home with us. After talking with the lawyer, I went home and hit the books, the internet, and the phone. I called and spoke with a neonatologist in Indianapolis and spoke with our choice of pediatrician locally. I looked on pubmed and read numerous abstracts regarding drug exposed and drug addicted infants. I decided to list out the basics of what I have learned from the numerous resources. I apologize that I have not linked a lot of the information because honestly I got so deep that I forget where information even originated from. 

Here are some fun facts and resources...

A. The difference between drug exposure and drug addicted is simply the amount of times the infant is exposed to drugs, alcohol, or tobacco in utero. I believe our agency said drug exposed would be 3-5x throughout a duration of a pregnancy, drug addiction is typically 1x per week or more. Either a drug exposed child or drug addicted can go through withdrawal symptoms. Typically, the umbilical cord of a drug exposed child would demonstrate significant less toxicity than a drug addicted infant. 

B.  "Ira Chasnoff, M.D., the nation’s leading researcher of the outcomes of children who were prenatally exposed to drugs, comments that many foster and adoptive parents have gone through long periods with difficult, drug-exposed infants who have eventually become well-adjusted children.

One of the strongest indicators of a positive outcome in children are the child’s caregivers. A recent study by Bergin and McCullough in Infant Mental Health Journal followed babies whose mothers had used substances and babies whose mothers did not use substances. The prenatal drug exposure did not play a role in how the babies attached to their primary caregiver. What did play a role was the nurturing, stimulating and stable environment of the babies. Care giving does make a difference in helping children reach their maximum potential for learning and socializing." Adoption Connection

Thirsty Thursday (2)

What is better than friends, good conversation, and laughter that makes your cheeks hurt??? Absolutely nothing... which is why I missed Thirsty Thursday on actually Thursday. I apologize! But thought I would cover some fun topics now instead. I am sure people are thirsty on Friday as well ;) 

Fun Fact 1

The cost of adoption is a private matter.

I would say that most of us adults would agree that large financial decisions whether it be buying a car, a house, paying a medical bill, and yes adoption are conversations between families. That being said all of the adoptive families that I have talked with (ourselves included) love to answer questions and share the joys of adoption (you never know who might be inspired). A common theme across adoption blogs and in our class was how to deal with the question, "How much did your baby cost". Here are a couple solutions/ suggestions

If you are an adoptive parent

a. Have a business card and when someone corners you asking lots of questions, simply hand them the card and say you would love to discuss any of the topics of adoption in the future (this was great advice from our education class)

b. Refer to item c below :) and remember people are just curious about your journey. Sometimes people can be openly rude but 99% of the time they simply do not understand

If you are curious about adoption/ even just our adoption

a. Simply say (privately) I am interested in your adoption process, I was wondering if you would be willing to share some of your financial information? 

b. Did your agency have a cost sheet that you would be willing to share with me so I can have a better understanding of the cost of adoption.

c. Main fun fact is that it costs almost exactly the same to adopt an infant as to give birth

Fun Fact 2

Choose the path that is right for you

When you start the process of having a family there are a lot of questions, concerns, and hoops to jump through. When you are dealing with infertility there are more questions and more hoops. There are so many options when you are combating infertility; types of medical tests, then pursuing assisted reproduction therapies, research, etc. When dealing with adoption it is similar questions about the types of situations that work with your family, etc. All in all, no matter what path you chose it will be one of a lot of decisions so continue to stay focused on what will allow the best environment for your child. THERE IS NO WRONG DECISION when you are deciding how to create your family. Below image is from a blog that discusses facts and various information on adoption. It really has been interesting how many people we have met that have considered adoption. Even though this statistic is small keep in mind every family that is considering adoption also has so many other options and after much debate decides what is best for their future children. Never pass judgement or suggest that one option is better than another, it is all about what works for that specific family. 

Happy Friday/ Saturday now. We are off to rest up for the rest of a fun filled weekend. Please leave comments, questions, suggestions. I am new to blogging, new to adoption, new to parenthood, and I am here to grow just like you. I hope everyone is continuing to enjoy sharing in our story and information. I know I have enjoyed sharing so far. 

Thirsty Thursdays

Happy Thursday! For everyone that read our last post, you know that biggest part of this blog is to educate people on the ups and downs of adoption, infertility, and family life. So, we figured what better way than a few fun facts every Thursday rather than one overwhelming list. One of my (Nicole) patients, a pastor told me that he only discusses one topic per week between church sermon and bible study all cover the same topic because it takes about a week for people to be able to process and incorporate it into their lives. Therefore, I will follow in his footsteps!