Don't Forget About Me

Don't Forget About Me
I'm Still Here

Don't forget about me 

when you become a mother 

because other men and women 

still need your truth

Don't forget about me 

when you post pregnancy jokes, timelines, 

and conception plans on Facebook because 

1 in 8 of your friends knows my name

Don't forget about me

when you choose how to fulfill your dream 

because I am your common 

thread to the 7.4 million women 

that are walking the parallel paths

Don't forget about me 

on Infant Loss Remembrance Day 

because the children I allowed in your womb 

were there for a reason, 

remember that reason, remember that love

Don't forget about me

because I taught you sorrow, 

loss, grief, depression, survival, and empathy

Don't forget about me 

Because I AM STILL HERE

I am with him too... I am in her mind... I am within this home's walls

They need you to remember me. 

They need your story so they can know....

I GIVE AS MUCH AS I TAKE

Don't forget about me
My name is INFERTILITY
And I am still here. 

Adoption (the noun, verb, not an adjective)

Today I googled adoption...
Here is what came up on google

There are so many things wrong with this simple definition that are incorrect and insensitive. I expected a little bit more from google! 

Adoption

noun, verb

The process whereby a person assumes the parenting of another, usually a child, from that person's biological or legal parent or parents, and, in so doing, permanently transfers all rights and responsibilities, along with filiation, from the biological parent or parents. (thanks Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adoption) 

Sample sentence
"She created an adoption plan for her children" 

Also please note that adoption or adopted is not a adjective (even on google who were not very politically correct). There is no such thing as an adopted child. It is a child that was adopted. (Also note the past tense, the adoption happens once. It is not something that is current.) 

Adoption is a wonderful excited part of my life. Something that will shape mine and my children's lives but please be sensitive. Learning the proper language is the only way that we can continue to have open dialogue, safe and respectful adoptions, and continued well being for children and families created through adoption.

What do you think of the definition of adoption? What would you add or change?

Is social media allowed to have my intimate stories?

Getting ready to start blogging I have been doing a lot of research and looking at blogs again to get ideas and motivations. This morning on the way to work Kidd Kraddick in the Morning was talking about a recent Instagram model that came out with a new video debunking all of her videos and pictures talking about how it is not real, it is all put on, takes her hours to edit and get just right. There was another post last night that is going viral about how Facebook pictures are lying and that you cannot see the story behind them just the happy faces. Thus leading to this blog idea. I love sharing details of our lives, stories, inspirations but at the same time people come up and they say oh my gosh you are a saint for surviving, you are so inspirational. These are nice compliments but not the truth. I will throw down some truths and then leave you with a final question

TRUTH 1: 
When you saw me after our failed adoption and I smiled and said everything is ok. God has a plan what I should have said is I had not gotten out of bed in a week, my husband had to drag me to the shower because I smelled so bad (sorry sweetie). I had not been in church in over 6 months because I struggled with the idea of a good God when everything was a mess in my life. I felt slighted (not true it turns out) but I was struggling. 



TRUTH 2: (brace yourself this one is Nicole at her rudest)
Recently, you saw me in the clinic laughing with a patient when he asked me why I adopted "Are you infertile because that is the only way I would adopt because I would want my own kids" so I turned around and said "How big is your package?" He looked at my flabbergasted I said, the intimate details of my genitala are none of your business and neither is yours mine. He laughed but it made sense to him and he apologized. Good thing him and I have a good relationship LOL. What you did not see is that I cried on the way home out of the frustration of the idea that your own children have to pushed out of your lady parts. Come on people love is love and if you do not understand that then just keep your opinions to yourself. 


TRUTH 3: 
You see pictures with our birth mother and we are all happy and giddy. What you do not see is we are all happy but the is a dark ocean below our story that is difficult and swallows me whole sometimes. I struggle but not for the reasons everyone thinks. I struggle because I love J so much that I do not want her not to be a part of our daily lives (oh lord that double negative makes it confusing). I have no desire for her to be a once a year visit, I want more for her and Aiden. I struggle because most people do not and will not ever understand that. I struggle because I do not understand why I do not feel like the adoptive mother over here or the mom over there. My emotions are mine but I safe guard them on here and in my daily life because I am scared of your opinions. 

Here is what I will leave you with....
When are you the dramatic social media person that everyone deletes because they lay their whole life out on Twitter, Facebook, SnapChat, etc for the world to see and sympathize with them?

AND

When am I lying and only showing you the good parts of my life? 

Where is the happy medium of truth and selective truth?
I think it is here. With each picture I see or message I read I say a prayer for the people struggling and I wish the people that look happy the continued best day! I think we keep an open dialogue and allow people to share when they feel comfortable and allow them to keep things private when they need to (aka do not ask for information when it is not appropriate like a child is around or it is a private question and you have to asked them if this level of intimacy is ok). This develops trust and with more trust people in the adoption and infertility community will feel more safe to share their story and situations when appropriate to help build our community.