What no one tells you...

When we started on our journey to adoption as most of you know it began with infertility. Also, as many of you know we researched and talked to many couples that have adopted about their feelings and what they went through. A quote from one of the women has been like a back itch you cannot reach to me. She said "adoption will never take away the desire to be pregnant it is an emotion that you have to deal with." She is a smart woman and she is correct. If you are thinking about adoption, seek professional counseling, talk about your feelings, and deal with the loss you have incurred prior to adoption. You owe it to your perfect future family. That being said, with the whirlwind of emotions I am going through right now I thought you might enjoy a fun little feelings that no one tells you...

1. Morning Sickness "It was like being hung over, without the fun of the night before" 

• Every time I think of our son on the way I feel ill. When you are awaiting a phone call that does not come, it is a kick in the gut so deep that projectile vomiting is relief. I agree with most pregnant women I do not just have morning sickness but afternoon and evening as well. Not quite to the point of a hang over but still that deep in the gut feeling

2. Boobs that just grow and grow but ouch are they sore

• Well induced lactation feels the same. I am eating like a horse. I remember reading in my protocol that a sign you were making a good amount of milk was heavy, full breasts well guess what I got 'em and it will be nice when my bras fit again and my shirts, heck even my pants at this point.

3. Heart Burn. I remember this from my sister in law. 

• When you are adopting, you get heart burn too. Your heart feels so full like it is going to burst out of your chest. Sometimes it is hard to swallow. From my friends that are waiting to be chosen and couples like us that are expecting, your heart can hurt so bad sometimes but then just as quickly it passes and you feel settled again. Only difference is we don't have to buy TUMS along with diapers at Sam's Club. 

4. Fatigue 

• Okay this one we are not in full tilt yet but I know our fatigue days are coming! We are having trouble sleeping. This past Saturday, we had the cell phone sitting next to the alarm. Sometimes right before we get a call we get an interference noise on the alarm. Well imagine 2:11 am and all of the sudden BUZZZZZ. Jason and I come flying out of bed, grab our cell phones and stare. NOTHING! So since then we cannot sleep. We are so scared we are going to miss the call but we are having some pretty funny dreams and nightmares! 

5. Unexplained emotions (usually crying)

• My poor husband is the only one that has been subjected to my crying spells to date. The other day I was walking into Wal Mart and had to turn around and go back to the car to breath and settle down. Waiting parents feel the same; some days you are overwhelmed with calm and joy in your decision to adopt, other days it is just darn hard to wait when you know your son and daughter is out there.  

No, I will never know the feeling of being pregnant but guess what Jason and I get this other amazing feeling that few people get to experience. We have been infected with the adoption bug. Sometimes it makes us a little crazy but overall we run around giddy to be parents just like all the other moms and dads out there in the world (no matter how parenthood as arrived on any of our doorsteps)! 

When you Google pregnancy quotes this one shows up... what better way to describe our feelings for our son
"Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were here an hour I would die for you. This is the miracle of a Mother's (and a Father's) Love." -Maureen Hawkins

Happy Valentine's Day

On the day of love, I thought it appropriate to share some of the new information we had on Baby W. There is not much but I was able to communicate with the agency this week. 

• Baby W will be delivered at a hospital in Illinois (I thought it might be too much info to say which one)
• We will be at the delivery per the birth mothers request and our desire
• If the hospital is not full, we will be able to have a room and stay with the baby but if the hospital is at capacity then Jason and I will stay at the hotels (finger crossed for hospital)
• It is a natural delivery at this time. Therefore when we get the call, we just get to jump into the car and go
• We are still waiting for the weather to calm down so we can have a meeting but at this time our birth mother is unable to solidify a ride with the weather. So, we are still waiting and might just meet her that day. 
• Christina and Drew threw me a wonderful baby shower (which will have it's own blog post upcoming)
• The wonderful Abby Williams just installed our car seat base and gave us our travel education. Thank you, Abby
• I packed all of the bags and made a list of the last minute items we need to throw in. 
• I officially think Jason and I are "nesting"

For Valentine's Day, Jason made me the most amazing and thoughtful gift. Here is what I came home to...

He is going to add in lettering at the bottom this quote that he chose! 

The card at the top reads about some of the symbolism of the gift. The wood is red oak. The red oak has both male and female flowers and stands for strength and courage. Legend has it that its the mightiest tree in the forest and stands strong through all things. Jason also explained that from mythology, the Gods such Zeus spoke of the oak being the tree of the Gods because it would reach up and get struck by lightning more often than any other tree. 

The adoption symbol is also another unique part of the gift that carries symbolism. The triangle's three sides represent the adoptive family, the birth family, and the adoptee. The heart connects each side of the triangle to represent the great love shared by all through adoption. 

I am so lucky to be sharing this experience with the love of my life. I am spoiled by his genuine love, creativity, and ingenuity. Aiden is so lucky to have him as a father. We are so lucky to have Aiden as a son! I cannot wait for a family picture to put in my new frame.  

Induced Lactation AKA Adoptive Breastfeeding Part 1

My Journey of Adoptive Breastfeeding is just now beginning but I will share it with all of you! 

I love Art Journaling, mine typically is not very pretty and a lot of times I reuse other images that inspire me. Through journaling and following other blogs is where this journey truly begins...