Nursery Highlight: Savannah Spoiling and beyond

Yeah another fun nursery highlight... this comes pre baby shower but post Christmas. Baby W got a little spoiled at the various households. I promise to highlight all the other fun gifts and nursery contributions soon so please do not feel left out but I have been meaning to post some of this stuff for a long time. 
As everyone knows I am pretty spoiled when it comes to family and friends. Baby W is lucky that I have worked up such great connections for him LOL. This past fall, Christina and I decided to take our mothers on a fun trip to Savannah Georgia. Well over the last 6 months months these women (+Papa Grimm) have really found some treasures. 

Mrs. Ferrini appeased Christina and I one weekend and decided to dive right in and pretty much assist in the design of the entire nursery. Luckily, we made some steals at IKEA with the changing table organizer on wheels and a cute yellow side table for next to the rocker. 
We also got the white and orange polka dot rugs, the dresser, window seat, and all the organizational baskets. 

Then we went to Jo Ann's fabrics and we may have went a little nuts but I think the curtain and throw pillow fabrics are perfect. Christina so graciously helped me sew everything. I think it turned out pretty awesome. 

My mother has been on the baby frenzy as well and Baby W got a lot for Christmas. Over our Savannah trip, he got the tin flying pig to the right of the picture but for Christmas he (before we knew he was a he) got the owl. 

He got some cutesy outfits that are filling up the closet (More owls SURPRISE)

Merry Christmas

"And an angel said unto them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people" John 2:10

All the time... GOD IS GOOD and God is good... ALL THE TIME. He has given us the most precious gift every day for our entire lives, the gift of forgiveness and love. God answers all prayers perfectly but at times it is hard to have full faith and allow him to lead you down a path. There was about a 3-4 month span of time that I did not attend church in the past year or so. It was hard to sing praises, smile, and believe that it was all for a greater good. This is one of my greatest and gravest mistakes. God loves Jason and I like he loves all of his children. Once, I allowed him into my life again and put my trust in His plan; we were lead on the amazing pathway of adoption. It has come with struggles but it has brought us more joy and peace than I ever imagined. God ALWAYS knows best. 
This year, God gave us the second best present of our life. The first being His son.
The second being our son. Our little bundle of joy is set to be born the first week in March. We are overjoyed! 

This year our greatest present is not under the tree....

No matter how hard bella looks! 

So, here is our story so far of our baby boy! 

On Wednesday, November 20th I was shopping at the mall for clothing for our family portraits. I was in the the dressing room at Macy's when my phone rang. I did not get to the phone in time. It was a number that I did not recognize. I never usually answer these calls or call back but for some reason I just pressed send immediately. The woman on the other end was Susan from our agency. She said "I have a couple of questions for you." She asked a few things to clarify from our matching document. Then she said, well you have been selected by a birth mother. I will let you know more as soon as we meet with her. 
I left all my clothes in the dressing room. Got lost in the store because I had no idea what door I came in. I ended up back in the women's department grab all the clothes bought them for me and my grandma. Walked around still in a daze. I had about 3 hours to kill before Jason was off work. Hardest procrastination I have ever done. Finally, Jason called and I was almost home. He had a missed call from the same number. I told him about the baby. He said that is awesome. We cannot get excited. This is what we kept telling ourselves for a week. There was no follow up call. I was dying of agony but I did not want to be oh you know that ever awful word for a woman "needy" LOL. We had our second adoption class the Saturday following Thanksgiving. After we arrived one of the ladies said congratulations are in order. I said "THEY ARE!!" We had not heard the finalization yet. We learned information about the birth mother but then class had to start. We tried to focus but well I am not good at that. Jason kept kicking me under the table as I was making a list on a receipt from my purse on things to ask once class ended. Once our agency confirmed we had be chosen; the waiting started for Baby W's arrival

We started plotting. As most of you know, Jason's mother and step dad are best friends with my parents. 

 

We had T-shirts created. My Grandma had to pick them up. I told if she told anyone I would never talk to her again and it was the biggest secret of her life. She kept it! Way to go Grandma. 










Friday the 13th (because we wanted some luck on our side LOL), we set a diner date with our family. When we arrived I set down Christmas presents. I said that we had bought them something but because we drew names I did not want everyone else to feel left out. They started unwrapping. Slowly... They all read the shirts outloud. "Crazy best friends" "Aww that is cute" "Crazier grandparents" "That is fun" "Cute" (Keep in mind they say all of this with little excitement). Then they set the shirts down and say thank you. So, I say "No, seriously, you are grandparents!" "WE ARE GETTING A BABY IN MARCH" Then, finally the reaction we wanted. A big group hug, jumping, instantaneous plotting between the grandmothers.

The Home Study

Finally! Our home study was completed this past Friday. 

There had been so many reschedules and conflicts but it is finally complete.

I have a lot of people ask, "What is involved in a home study?" We wondered the same thing. On Friday, we opened the door for Kevin, our agency rep and so many things crossed my mind... Will he notice the glue that exploded when I was modge podging that I never sanded off, our cabinets really need repainted, there is a bottle of wine on the table will you think we drink too much??? I would have went really crazy but Jason settled me down and said be realistic he is not going to care, we just have to have a good home to raise a child. So here is the breakdown of how the home study played out then I will share more ooey gooey feelings about the process!
1. Called Kevin to remind him that our town is weird and driveways are in the back of the house so now he has to navigate the swamp from the melted snow at the front of the house when he comes.
2. Knock Knock! Kevin is here which we already knew because we had been staring slyly out the window for the last 20 minutes like we were waiting for Santa Clause

3. Kevin comes in and makes himself at home and lays out his paperwork and starts talking to us. It was really casual; we actually talked about sports, health care act but also day care plans, health insurance for the baby, square footage of our home, how many children we want overall, a few basic questions that showed we understand what is required for a baby such as diapers, feeding schedule, etc.
4. Tour of the house. We showed Kevin all of the rooms and closets. For the first child, you need 40 sq feet in Illinois for every child after that you need 30 sq feet of living space. So the idea that I was worried our house was not large enough was kinda erroneous.
5. Then Kevin asked Jason and I to split up and answer questions separately. This is the part I was dreading but honestly if you feel comfortable with your agency it really is no big deal. Jason and I do not need each other every conversation we have to talk about adoption or our life goals so I do not know why I thought we did then? Comfort I guess. I do not know if the questions change for people but we were asked
       a. Who was your role model growing up?
       b. Who is driving the adoption; you, your spouse, or both?
       c. What is the most important thing you have done in your life?
       d. What is the most important quality you possess?
I feel like there was a couple more but you know how you get nervous in interviews and poof you forget what happened.
6. Talked a little bit more about specific questions that we have about adoption, the process, the agency, really whatever you wanted to ask. The home study is a lot of time focused on being one on one and getting your questions answered so you feel comfortable once you are selected.

Overall, the home study was EASY! I know that different agencies differ but overall it is not a white glove test. It really is whether or not your home is ready for a child. You should ask your agency beforehand about the requirements. For example, our agency requires your home be child proofed for the age of child you are receiving. Jason and I are doing an infant adoption therefore we did not need baby gate, cabinet locks ,etc because the infant will not be able to get into those items until later in life. Our agency checked carbon monoxide and smoke detectors, water heater, and electrical outlets to make sure everything was up to code. Overall, we passed. We have completed all of the preliminary steps for adoption now. All of this paperwork will be good for 4 years except the fingerprints have to be re taken every 2 years.
The home studies overall are a costly expense and really ours took about an hour. The cost comes from the paperwork that is completed later. There is a lot of time spent by the agency getting state, DCFS, and FBI clearances. The document they submit is about 50+ pages ( I think is what the agency explained). They really gather a lot of information about you in a short amount of time that is then put into writing. In the state of Illinois, a home study does not have to be completed until before an adoption is finalized so really you can have a child placed with you without having yet completed your home study. But ours is done now so NO FEAR!


The holidays are upon us. Remember the reason for the season and share love for and with your neighbor. You never know who needs help or a little extra hug this time of year!

Making Our Portfolio

The most fun and the most pressure that we felt during the adoption process is making our portfolio! I will start by explaining the portfolio and how it relates to the adoption process just because most people do not know. 

In the state of Illinois (and most states for that matter), it is the birth mothers right to choose a family during an adoption. The portfolio is a book that the prospective adoptive family creates for the mother to look at and ultimately keep that allows her to know the family better. When a birth mother gets in contact with an agency there is a matching sheet that the birth mother fills out or talks through and there is also a matching sheet that the adoptive family fills out. For us, the matching sheet discusses various items that you will accept or decline based on your desires in a child. There are columns regarding birth mother and father medical history everything from no history to known genetic illnesses. There are also columns for drug use (which I will discuss in a later blog post), openness in adoption sharing phone calls, meeting, letters, etc. There is a lot to the forms but this is excellent for 2 reasons 1. when a birth mother calls the agency/ lawyer they are able to give her the portfolios of parents willing to accept an adoption plan from this birth family and 2. it allows us as an adoptive family to be placed in an optimal and comfortable adoption plan. An adoptive parent example were this is beneficial is a family has waiting 18 months and gets a call about an infant available at the hospital. This infant has known special needs and low initial infant testing. If this family does not have the resources and support to accept a child with special needs this placement is not ideal for the infant or the family. It is a difficult decision for a  family to decide against creating a particular adoption plan so the agency protects the adoptive families by asking and getting detailed answers prior to a potential adoption so that they welfare of the child and the integrity of the family is foremost. 
Therefore when a birth mother calls the agency, she is given the portfolios of families that best relate to her situation and are ideal candidates for the welfare of the child. From the portfolios, the birth mother (father, family, etc) choose an adoptive family or sometimes several that they would like to meet. Once she has chosen a family, she keeps the book if she desires. We also have a hard copy of our book in our nursery so our child can grow up hearing the stories of Jason and I pre baby and look at exactly what his/ her mother saw and chose about us. 

Now onto the FUN STUFF
When creating the book, I started a pinterest account of course and looked at lots of blogs and public portfolios, design companies, and online agency portfolios. Then, I knew after all the pressure that is on this portfolio I needed some help. A clean eye. I am very creative and have a vision for things but I tend to get overwhelmed with details and have a poor filter. I contacted a past friend, Sylvia who made my wedding invitations and was in graphic design. She so graciously helped me and below is the book we created together. She has an ingenious mind, was extremely thorough with the writings, and edited and cleaned up all of my photos. She is a saving grace on this project. (Her final submission is the one you see below) Due to some editing needs by our agency and the desire for a Shutterfly looking book because of the appeal to birth mothers I modified the book into Shutterfly but kept with her overall version. Or at least I tried my best. So here is the online link. Our Shutterfly Book

Help! How can I be a good, supportive friend????

When I got married these two lovely women stood by my side, when I was stressed throughout college these two women made me laugh, and when I had a miscarriage they showed up at the hospital even though it was over a 2 hour drive and they both had to work. When I was mean they lovingly dealt with it and then like the great friends they told me when it was time to grow up. (I mean that seriously in the best light). So many of the women in my life were not trying to have a baby and most of them (or so I thought) were not struggling with infertility but still some very special people in my life stepped up, got educated, and have held not only my hand but Jason's too. Now is my time to say thank you. So this post is for all the friends out there that want to be amazing but just have no idea what to say or not to say. 

Let's deal with infertility first...

1. Listen and occasional say it sucks! One of my favorite conversations was one where I was bawling my eyes out and my friend replied "you are right this is not fair and it sucks." She really was genuinely mad too. I do not know why but this made me laugh and feel not so alone. I never expected any of my friends to have the answers, I just needed someone to listen, laugh, and then pretend I never had my crazy moment. 
2. Remember her on Mother's Day (and him on Father's Day)! These holidays are important to times to just send a text, email, or send a prayer to the Big Man upstairs. It lets your friend know the moment is not lost on you. I got texts simple as  "Thinking of you today" and one a little deeper "Celebrating you being a mother in your heart" All of it was sweet. Also if your friend does not reply or acknowledge it does not mean it did not mean the world to her/ him. 
3. Never say stop stressing, have more sex, maybe it's not meant to be, or any other negative advice. People have the best hearts but sometimes what comes out of their mouths does not match. I got a lot of "If you did not work so far away it would be less stressful and I bet you would get pregnant" "Just relax" Infertility is a diagnosis that means it has been longer than 12 months without conception. This is not stress related! Other things such as "It must not be meant to be" or comments about God choosing are not helpful. Please just refer to item 1. 

Here is some other writings with more input but those are my big ones especially #1. 

Information on infertility questions!

On to adoption...

1. Listen just like before but now it is time to get educated too. Below are a couple of websites with listings on books to read. I would recommend reading a book on parenting an adopted child (there are differences that cannot be overlooked), a book on the general adoption process, and a book from the prospective of a child that has been adopted. 

http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com

2. Do not think pregnancy/biology is the end game. Two common occurrences when you are adopting is a. Have you tried IVF, surrogacy, fertility treatments, fill in the blank? and b. I know family Bob down the street that adopted and then got pregnant so maybe that will happen. Adoption is our way of having a family. Not all families pursue adoption because of infertility. Our reason is because of infertility but we also chose to stop our journey where we felt comfortable which was fairly early on. Each family goes on their own journey and this is a private part of the decision. With pregnancy after adoption, studies show that the statistics are the same as parents that are able to become pregnant with or without adoption after struggling with infertility. We appreciate your stories of adoption but these specific types of stories negate that our family that is created through adoption will be a family as deep as blood, DNA, birth, etc. 

3. Be happy and excited for the family. Imagine the reaction you have when your best friend or even an acquaintance says "I'm pregnant". Well I am a very giggly and overly excited person so I jump up and down, ask about the due date, gender, etc. Adoptive parents love the same reaction. Most of the time, we do not know the answers to when are you getting a baby. The average adoption takes 24 months. We usually do not know the gender and it is not appropriate to ask about race but what we do know is that we are going to be a family! Yay! So be excited! 

Here are some more websites with topics and answers to questions that is more in depth and more eloquent than me. 

Information on adoption questions!

Information on the adoption and infertility questions!

I really hate telling people what to say but especially what not to say. When you are going through any journey you have to realize again that people are well meaning but sometimes just say the wrong things. I know I have said the wrong things to people. I never thought how offensive it was to ask a couple when are you going to have children until I went through this journey. All in all just support and love the people in your life that are going through this challenge! Here is one of the most amazing things that my two best friends for me. Enjoy another highlight of the nursery. 

Alphabet wall for above the crib. They individually painted each letter to match my theme. It was my first baby gift!

My friends are helping me sew curtains, pillows, changing table covers and helped me shop for furniture and fabric for the room. Get involved and show your friends that you love them! Thank you to my great friends (and family) not only the ones featured here but also the others that you will hear about along my journey