Welcome to My Adoption Family

I have been waiting for a long time to post this blog. It is hard sometimes to decide when it is time to post and when I should wait. I do not want my whole life or Aiden's whole birth story on the internet but I do love sharing all the things I have learned. Today, one of patient's friends got a call and her son and and daughter in law got THE call that a potential birth mother is in labor and they are to go to the hospital right now. My heart began to race for them, prayers started rolling out of my mouth, and now sitting in private at lunch tears are filling my eyes. I remember every moment of our journey for Aiden and I pray that this family has a magical experience over the next few days, months, and years of their child's life! The journey is not easy but the journey is worth it. So everyone reading this send a prayer up for their family today! With that said here is the actual blog post (that I have been holding hostage for months now)

I met Nick through a mutual friend that recommended he come to physical therapy with me. As I was treating him I was yammering on about my life (Like I have been known to do) and adoption came up. Nick and his wife (who I did not know at the time) created their family through adoption as well. He shared his story with me and I was so moved and touched. Little did I know this day would change my life! As we went through the adoption process with Aiden there were some scary bumps in the road. We thought possibly he would not be our forever child. I was devasated, I cried a lot, prayed a lot, CURSED A LOT (LOL), and I talked to my family and friends a lot. When my son was awake, I played with him, put on a happy face and snuggled with him like no tomorrow because I did not know if there would be a tomorrow. When I talked to family I brushed things off like they were no big deal. I did not want our family to feel more agony than necessary but also it was hard for me to hear their words of comfort. Everyone was saying things like "No way they will take him away from you" "You can give him a better home than they can" and many other personal statements. Everyone meant well but that is not how I felt. I am not going to go into details but suffice it to say watching our birth mother walk out of the hospital just about killed me and still does every time I think of her which is daily. I love her pure and simple. (please do not ever question that from me)

On one particular bad day I was doing my hyperventilating cry (anyone that knows me well has heard it) and I thought I cannot do this anymore. I found myself looking up Nick's number and dailing it! Which is INSANE, I do not know this guy I met him once!!!! He answers and I say, "Can I talk to your wife!" Who I have never met, no idea who she is, what she is like. I tell him about what is going on, all of it, it opens like flood gates and he lets me talk to Tracey, my angel. She talks to me for over 90 minutes. She tells me to love my son, to not pull away. She also tells me that it is okay if he is placed with his potential birth father. She tells me that my love in the first months of his life will shape his life forever and that is okay I did the job God wanted me to do. We ended our call with a prayer. I felt peace like a weight had been removed. I am not going to lie, I cried again the next day too and our journey did not end there but Tracey told me what I needed to hear. She said something no one else would say to me. She said Aiden may leave and it would be ok.

I get a lot of questions every day about adoption, what it is like, how do I feel about creating my family through adoption, and so on. This is what I know, no one will ever understand adoption except for another adoption family. They know the things to say, the moments to say them, and the love to wrap around you. I thank God every day that I had Tracey that day. She saved me, my soul, and my family whether she will ever truly know that or not.
So, if you are adopting, thinking of adopting, have adopted... so on and so forth WELCOME TO MY ADOPTION FAMILY! Whatever you need whenever I am here! Blog me, Facebook me, I will give you my number! The story of Tracey is an amazing one for me but not unlike the rest of the adoption community (not that you are not special Tracey because you and Nick are truly one of a kind). I have met countless amazing people with wonderful, inspiring stories that have prayed with me and for me and my family throughout journey. We all need each other at times near or far. My adoption family is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I want to share it with all of you!