So much to be THANKFUL for!!!

A great friend this week convinced me to stop being grumpy and write down 10 things I was thankful for, well I wrote a really ridiculous list that made her laugh and me laugh too but then that night on my drive home I realized how many times lately on my drive that I have looked up and said "Thank you God" for today, for people, and for my life. When people ask me why I drive an hour to and from work everyday, I say because it is worth it for my job or because  I get the time to decompress. Those are honest answers but there is another one that I did not realize until recently, it is my time to be close to God and to think about my life. The list below is long and slightly obnoxious. I do not want anyone out there that is struggling to think I feel this way every moment. It is easy to be happy, grateful, and full of promise on paper. I struggle everyday but also it is amazing once you start writing it down you really do see so clearly how much you have. Please know I cry like the rest of you and have written journal entries about how unfair my life is, etc. But this is truly the things I know in my heart and soul, it is just easy to forget the good. So here is the things that I am thankful for everyday but I will share them with you on Thanksgiving! 

• For my co-workers. This is past and present. From the past, I worked for the first time with physical therapy assistants. Wow, if anyone ever thinks that a two year degree is not enough they have not worked with these ladies. They took me under their wing (especially my honey badger). They gave me the confidence to be the professional I am now and taught me so many exercises and manual therapy techniques that I still use. All these co-workers also taught me what work ethic means. I did not learn these lessons in school I learned them from my co-workers. 
  My current co-workers. I never thought I could be so blessed to spend a majority of my life with these amazing people. They push me to grow in areas I have never imagined. Every patient that steps into our facility has not only my mind working on them but everyone else's in the room throwing in ideas, cuing, and advanced therapy techniques. My co workers have seen me at my worst literally breaking down crying and have held me and told me everything would be ok. They protect me, teach me to be a better person, a better clinician, and lift me up on a daily basis. Thank you. 
• For my work connections and friendships. In the past 2 years, I have developed so many great friendships. These men and women are active, down to earth, and downright crazy. I cannot say enough about the great times we have had and I know there are more to come. I would do anything for them and I know the same is true for them as well. 

• My family. Immediate. My parents are AWESOME. Goodness, I never thought that would come out of mouth and I did not even choke on it. Really, my mom ran her first 1/2 marathon this year. She never thought she could be athletic. She is being healthy, athletic, and works harder than anyone I know. She does all of this while calling and reminding me of my appointments, important dates, etc. 
  My dad is a monster at life. He is the sweetest man you will ever meet (other than my hubby) at the same time he is out there killing running, biking, and swimming. He always thinks about other people first and never wants recognition. My brother and his fiance are one of the cutest couples I have seen. They are both so intelligent and finishing nursing school. My brother is truly coming into his own. In laws. My father in law gives me such a hard time but honestly anytime Jason and I have ever needed anything he is the first one at the door. When Jason was in the hospital this year he called me everyday to check on him and came and sat with Jason and made him feel normal again which I could not accomplish without his help. He's a wonderful dad to Jason. My mother in law and step father in law. I have loved them always, they truly are a second family to me. I love singing jukebox with Joyce. When Jason and I need love we know exactly where to go and always feel welcome just opening the door and stampeding in. That's true family. Jason's sisters and their respective husbands. I am so happy to live so close to all of my family (and yes Evansville is close ;)) To be able to continue to develop relationships with Jason' sisters is so special to me. I love the cook outs and shopping trips. As a full family we truly have what other people wish for. We are so blessed. 
• Niece and Nephew. You already know from past posts that I adore them!!! And this is already crazy long so I won't go into more details. Distant Family. I could go on for days about my distant family as well but let's brief it up and say I love my aunts and uncles, they have the marriages that make you believe in the long lasting, miracle kind of love. Jason and I are so lucky to have great role models. My grandparents (maternal and paternal) are active in their community, put family first, and really have the value of life down to an art. I hope they continue to teach me what matters. My puppies. Even though ace is gone I still miss him like crazy and I know he watches over Jason and I everyday. Bella is a crazy puppy and so spoiled but cuddling with our "sweets" every night makes Jason and I feel like a whole family even while we wait for our baby.  
• My friend family. There is a long post to come next week that I am finishing the touches on so check that out next week. But in short to the people that know my life better than anyone else (you know who you are). Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulders, for telling me to suck it up while at the same time rubbing my back, thanks for admitting when you do not know what to say, and for supporting me throughout every decision in my life. You have been there for the roughest and the best parts. I cannot be thankful enough for your friendship. Without it I know I would not be here writing this post. 
• My husband. I could go on for days. Jason is my soul mate. He allows me to be whoever I want to be. He loves me and honestly sees me in the best light. He holds my hand and makes me feel beautiful. This man cleans the house, makes me dinner, supports my dreams, makes me laugh, and shares something with me that no one in this world will ever understand. Without him, I would not get out of bed each day and put on a smile. Without him I would not feel light as a feather and free. He truly is EVERYTHING!    
  
  
  
  

Nursery Room HighLights: Modern Charm

Decorating the nursery has been so much fun for Jason and I. The one thing I wanted about my home  is that every room tells a story; the nursery is no different. I want my child to grow up with every piece in their room having a meaning/ spawning a memory. I think shopping locally is one of the ways to make pieces meaningful. I have bought several pieces at a wonderful shop in Terre Haute, IN called 

Modern Charm. . Their Facebook page has great updates on their products but you really have to check it out in person. Continue to buy local. It is important to support local businesses and continue to grow our community. So here is the fun stuff that I have so far bought up from the local artists featured at Modern Charm. 

This is going to be framed most likely by the rocking chair or over the bookshelf. The Collective Letter Press is a company in Bloomington, IN. They use actual antique letter presses for some of their creations. What a great creative local company, with a great message!

Who doesn't love different colorful stuffed animals to decorate a window seat. These little guys made their debut in another post with our niece and nephew. The red owl is from a company called Bean Blossom. The yellow and gray owl is from a new artist that I saw at the Covered Bridge festival and the next week she was at Modern Charm as well. The elephant was created by A Twisted Thread.

I also purchased some burp cloths. So cute and they have so many great kids products. Check them out at etsy, online, or Modern Charm. bobaloo!

I have along the way purchased some really cute baby shower gifts here as well. So if you get a chance and are local check it out!

I leave you all with a last little paragraph about decorating a nursery when you are adopting... there is about 50/50 split on whether to decorate a nursery or not. I know you have heard me say this before but again "DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT TO YOU!" We love adding pieces to nursery throughout our process. It is hard to find items that are truly gender neutral which is also why it is hard to have a baby registry. Some couples or individuals that are adopting may struggle if they start decorating a nursery. You really need very little to bring a baby home so if you do not want to start a nursery yet don't worry your baby is not messing out on anything. The will have all of the comforts and necessities with somewhere to sleep, something to eat, a few onsies and sleepers, and a loving parent(s). We feel closer on our journey with each piece we add to the nursery and it really brings us great joy right now. Our baby is already growing in our heart, in our life, so we figure why not in our home;) 

Thirsty Thursday (2)

What is better than friends, good conversation, and laughter that makes your cheeks hurt??? Absolutely nothing... which is why I missed Thirsty Thursday on actually Thursday. I apologize! But thought I would cover some fun topics now instead. I am sure people are thirsty on Friday as well ;) 

Fun Fact 1

The cost of adoption is a private matter.

I would say that most of us adults would agree that large financial decisions whether it be buying a car, a house, paying a medical bill, and yes adoption are conversations between families. That being said all of the adoptive families that I have talked with (ourselves included) love to answer questions and share the joys of adoption (you never know who might be inspired). A common theme across adoption blogs and in our class was how to deal with the question, "How much did your baby cost". Here are a couple solutions/ suggestions

If you are an adoptive parent

a. Have a business card and when someone corners you asking lots of questions, simply hand them the card and say you would love to discuss any of the topics of adoption in the future (this was great advice from our education class)

b. Refer to item c below :) and remember people are just curious about your journey. Sometimes people can be openly rude but 99% of the time they simply do not understand

If you are curious about adoption/ even just our adoption

a. Simply say (privately) I am interested in your adoption process, I was wondering if you would be willing to share some of your financial information? 

b. Did your agency have a cost sheet that you would be willing to share with me so I can have a better understanding of the cost of adoption.

c. Main fun fact is that it costs almost exactly the same to adopt an infant as to give birth

Fun Fact 2

Choose the path that is right for you

When you start the process of having a family there are a lot of questions, concerns, and hoops to jump through. When you are dealing with infertility there are more questions and more hoops. There are so many options when you are combating infertility; types of medical tests, then pursuing assisted reproduction therapies, research, etc. When dealing with adoption it is similar questions about the types of situations that work with your family, etc. All in all, no matter what path you chose it will be one of a lot of decisions so continue to stay focused on what will allow the best environment for your child. THERE IS NO WRONG DECISION when you are deciding how to create your family. Below image is from a blog that discusses facts and various information on adoption. It really has been interesting how many people we have met that have considered adoption. Even though this statistic is small keep in mind every family that is considering adoption also has so many other options and after much debate decides what is best for their future children. Never pass judgement or suggest that one option is better than another, it is all about what works for that specific family. 

Happy Friday/ Saturday now. We are off to rest up for the rest of a fun filled weekend. Please leave comments, questions, suggestions. I am new to blogging, new to adoption, new to parenthood, and I am here to grow just like you. I hope everyone is continuing to enjoy sharing in our story and information. I know I have enjoyed sharing so far. 

Educational Classes

So here is the checklist that we have completed on our adoption thus far

1. Fill out and submit the massive application to our agency. * (Paid an agency fee for processing our application and beginning to distribute our information)  

  

2. Completed our state and FBI fingerprints    

      3. We met with our agency (Family Choice LTD) and our lawyer *(paid a lawyer retainer fee)

      4. And this weekend had our first adoption class...

Jason and I went to Effingham, IL bright and early Saturday morning. We arrived with 3 other couples for our education course. One of the families that attended brought their son. They were recently chosen to be parents and just started the process this summer. They have been selected and received a beautiful baby boy from Safe Haven. 

Safe Haven is a law that took effect around 1999 first in Texas and was known as "Baby Moses" Law. Essentially this means that a mother or father may leave their child in a designated location and there will not be criminal charges as you have chosen a safe location and your child will then become a ward of the state. It also maintains the anonymity of the parents. These locations are typically full time occupied hospitals, police departments, fire houses, etc. This is a great option for those parents that are struggle raising their children and believe that an adoption or foster care plan is best for their child. They are not abandoning their child... they are choosing a safe alternative for them. Our social worker explained that at this time, it is about 50/50 on the amount of the children that are abandoned in unsafe locations verse children/infants where a desired location is used and the safe haven law is enacted. The amount of parents that are not enacting the Safe Haven law is mainly in regards to awareness and education so I thought it appropriate I take a few minutes for a brief education on what I learned today. 

Overall, the class was very interesting. We had a large manual but for the most part our agency discussed the topics and would intermittently have us refer to the manual. The best part of the class (at least in our opinions) was an adoptive family coming in to share their story. The couple had 3 children and later in life (after their sons had grown) felt compelled to pursue adoption. They adopted 2 children, which were both at our class. The 13 year old girl discussed her feelings on adoption, on her parents, her relationship and understanding of her birth family, and other topics. It is such a blessing to see these wonderful families brought together through the will and power of God! Overall, the educational classes are a time for us, as a couple, to interact more with other families in various stages of adoptions; have mentors through other adoptive families; gain more education; and finally allow our agency to spend more intimate contact time with us so they can describe us better to potential birth families. 

Also this weekend, we were able to babysit our niece and nephew for a few hours. This also came as a blessing. One, they are the cutest darn kids and two, it reminded Jason and I how wonderful it is to have kid messes and laughter in our home. Also, they love what we have started working on in the babies room! 

* I included the information on the payments that we made because most people believe that adoption is very expensive. It is true that adoption is an expensive process but people are also concerned that adoptive families are "losing" a lot of money. Good agencies and lawyers protect us from losing money. They collect initial minimal fees to cover their continued phone conversations, meetings with birth parents, processing of paperwork for the state organizations, and counseling us crazy adoptive parents when we call and need a lot of things answered ;) 

Thirsty Thursdays

Happy Thursday! For everyone that read our last post, you know that biggest part of this blog is to educate people on the ups and downs of adoption, infertility, and family life. So, we figured what better way than a few fun facts every Thursday rather than one overwhelming list. One of my (Nicole) patients, a pastor told me that he only discusses one topic per week between church sermon and bible study all cover the same topic because it takes about a week for people to be able to process and incorporate it into their lives. Therefore, I will follow in his footsteps! 

The Beginning

We are so excited to start blogging our journey through adoption. All along this process, I have been journaling. I have so many topics that I cannot wait to discuss. I hope that this blog can help keep our family and friends updated throughout our journey as well as educate the world on infertility and adoption. So here goes nothing! 

Jason and I were married in July 2010. It was a glorious week of parties and excitement. Anyone that is our friends will still hear us talking about our wedding week.  

So me being the anxious woman that I am after about 8 months, we decided we wanted a family. At the time I was a daring 25 years old at the time. I already felt like my clock was ticking and it was time to get started. I had so much to learn over the next few years. This is the part where the brutal honesty begins so feel free to skip ahead. The first year we tried was definitely the most trying for me. I have always lived my life in control. If I wanted to have a baby well by golly I was going to have a baby. All of my friends around me became pregnant or at least that's how it felt. I spent a lot of time angry at people for the most ridiculous reasons. I am such a happy, easy going person so to feel this way towards my friends was new and upsetting. After a year of struggling, I visited my ObGyn. We did a sperm analysis and everything was normal. We also did a hysterosalipinogram (HSG) testing. No matter what they say this test is uncomfortable. The HSG showed a potential R fallopian tube blockage. My L fallopian tube had clear flow and appeared unblocked. We were then referred to a infertility specialist. I brought a disc with the HSG. The infertility specialist reported that he believed my R fallopian tube was not blocked. He said we would try a few medications. I cannot even remember the names. I would give myself a shot(Ovidrel I think). I also took oral medication for 5 days. We tried just with medication assist for 2 months without any results. My ultrasounds showed that I was ovulating on both sides normally and had normal size follicles. The infertility specialist said the next step was Intrauterine Implantation (IUI). We did 2 rounds of IUI that were unsuccessful  then the third round was successful. One positive pregnancy test and a big secret later, I went the hospital and had blood work confirmation. YAY! We are pregnant. I was told to continue to get blood work every 72 hours for another 3-4 times. One the third blood work, my lab value was about 200 points away from the goal value. The fertility specialist office called and told me that there was a probability I did not have a viable pregnancy. After 22 months of trying you can imagine our devastation. Jason had to cancel his trip to his brother in laws bachelor party and stay home with me. Thank goodness, I have a wonderful, thoughtful husband because I started to have my miscarriage on Sunday. I was told there was nothing to do but wait. I was in severe pain. The worst I have ever felt. Something was not right. I was able to get an emergency appt Monday morning where it was confirmed I had an ectopic pregnancy that had engulfed my entire R fallopian tube. I went in for emergency surgery. They were able to save my R ovary but not my R fallopian tube. At my follow up appt 4 weeks later, my surgical incisions were never looked at, my name was not remembered and while looking at my chart my "specialist" states "oh yeah you are the girl that I said your tube was not blocked guess I was wrong." To say the least I was done with the fertility world. I can only imagine pain that women feel after years of these conversations, procedures, and money lost. We waited for a while and then were able to get an appt with another fertility specialist Dr. Jarrett in Indianapolis, IN. This appt happened to fall 1 day before my birthday. I received a diagnosis after review of the original HSG, he believed I had essentially diverticulitis of the fallopian tubes on both sides and I was not safe to continue with anything except IVF at this time. (this is the cloudy portions in the testing rather than a smooth flow of the dye)

Dr. Jarrett knew that my husband and I were not interested in IVF at this time and he gave us time to discuss and said he would be in touch. Dr. Jarrett really gave a face to fertility treatments that left me with a calm in my soul finally. 2 weeks after our appt we received a hand written letter with specifics about our discussions, treatment options, cost options, as well as a kind notation saying that he supported us even if we did not choose IVF at this time. It was at this time we decided that we were ready to diverge away from fertility treatments. I can truly say this is the moment where our hearts felt at peace. It is the first decision we had made in 2 years that was not made in desperation to have a family but rather because it felt right in our hearts. (This is not to say IVF is wrong in anyway I know some amazing families from IVF it is to say each of us are called and our calling was towards adoption)

There are a lot of other treatments that we tried throughout our two year cycle, many that I will touch on in other portions of the blog but the main purpose of this blog is to share our story from infertility now the to the fabulous decision of adoption. So here is the big announcement.... WE ARE ADOPTING. 

Our agency is Family Choices in Charleston, IL http://familychoices.net/ and our lawyer is Kiersten Bays Crouse in Charleston, IL as well. We have started the basics turned in our portfolio (next blog post). Classes start this weekend and home study should be completed this week.

Thank you for sharing in our story, please do not be afraid to share this blog and our story with anyone you know. We have no doubt God has a plan for us, our family, and our story. We hope we can touch people throughout our writings and process.